Hi @bellegirl, thanks so much for the ask/comment about my photo critiques. It’s weird, I don’t set out to be critical per se, but there are times I just can’t help myself. I don’t seek out the ridiculous or dangerous, the pictures just magically appear on my dash.
Generally, I try to find some humor when I add comments. Many folks @chocolateharmonyperson @itsshinycollectordestinyworld @patientlydominant @magpie-69 have joined me in the “fight” to stop improper wearing of garters. I don’t point out the garter issue to be mean, rather to let folks know that ain’t gonna work if you’re doing anything other than being a model in a photo shoot. As a person who learned the garter/stocking/panty lesson the hard way, I feel compelled to spare someone else the same indignity and embarrassment of trying to unhook garters in a public restroom so they can pee. (They came off relatively easily, but there was the panic when I realized I would have to suffocate myself with my boobs pushed to my chin as I bent over in my too-tight corset and tried to hook those buggers back up – all while wearing heels and crying for my fucking reading glasses so I could see those little clasps. I left that restroom sweating, teary-eyed, and out of breath (thank God for drag queens, they saved me!)) I am on a mission to let folks know that as pretty as those garters and stockings look in the pictures, the panties go on over TOP of them.
And let’s talk stockings for a moment! Crusoe loves them. Alas, he’s in love with a woman who is short on one end and built like a Russian powerlifter. Over the knee socks are fine, but stockings are a no go. I could pull them all the way to my navel and they would still roll. That’s okay because I bet stockings roll on most folks (and Crusoe gives me an “A” for effort, even if I didn’t win the genetic lottery.) I just wish folks would be honest about it, or tell us all where to buy the industrial strength glue to hold those suckers in place.
The other pictures or videos I generally comment on because I feel they are unsafe or grossly misleading. No, kneeling in some of those positions is not safe or good for a person’s knees. Tying folks is a SKILL that takes practice. Flogging, spanking, wax play…. These are SKILLS that people (me included) spend thousands of hours practicing. When pictures and videos show people doing it poorly, I can’t help but worry that someone is going to think “I can do that! Look how easy it is.” People get hurt and that scares me. I know that my comments about form aren’t going to stop anyone from doing what they want, but at least I feel like someone might hesitate for a moment. If just one bottom comes home with evenly applied bruises across their ass I will be happy (tops: you must swing from both directions and/or use your non-dominant hand so that your bottom doesn’t have just one bruised ass cheek: symmetry counts.)
Funny porn – we all love that! Take off the socks, put down a sheet, pick up the laundry, don’t cross contaminate in the kitchen. I’m not asking much. I won’t say any more about kitchen porn as I would like to believe that no one believes that a hand dipped in flour actually produces those perfect handprints.
Seriously, I’m on a mission to raise awareness. Here’s an example: you know those gifs of the dude pushing a butt plug in and out of a hairless and airbrushed ass? First – we humans have hair – everywhere, including our chocolate starfish. Wax, razors, and chemicals only do so much and require a shocking amount of upkeep. But mostly, “sexy” inserting and removal of the butt plug is not doing the bottom any favors. All it’s doing is stimulating the need to poop. The inevitable “Code Brown! Code Brown!” and the frantic dash to the bathroom isn’t part of porn perfection. No, that part of the porn shoot is conveniently left out. Meanwhile, folks having their first anal experience are put off because what they are doing doesn’t look like (or feel like) it did in the porn.
Speaking of anal…. Everybody poops. They even wrote a book about it – I read it to my kid (as did every other parent in America.) Yet porn would have us believe that nothing ever comes out of the poop hole during or after anal. Sorry folks, but poop comes out the poop hole, especially when you fill it with goo and stimulate the fuck out of it. Good night. Real life does NOT imitate porn. If I can spare just one bottom the angst that comes with the fucking inevitable then I will have accomplished my mission.
Hell, I yacked all over Crusoe in a failed attempt to be a porn star (again, A for Effort.) He and I have safewords just for emergent bodily functions (Jumpers at the door!)
Damn…. I am on a rant now, and will quit… in a few more lines.
The perfection of porn wears me down.
I was ecstatic yesterday when I saw a woman with visible hair on her arms. Holy shit! How did that make it past the air brush? People have hair, freckles, scars, stretch marks, cellulite, fat, crooked teeth, gray hair, thin hair, you name it, we’ve got it. Is there any chance we could celebrate the real? I know that Tumblr is fantasy, an escape mechanism. But for the love of the folks that actually think subs should look a certain way, that bodies should do certain things, that “if you don’t look like that/do that/endure that” you’re a failure, I will continue to point out the ridiculous, the dangerous, the unachievable, that crosses my dash.
Hopefully, I do with some grace and humor, because we all need a bit more of that in our decidedly perfectly imperfect lives.
Sorry for the meandering ramble @bellegirl I was left unsupervised with the laptop. Go kneel on that mat and make yourself and your Sir happy. Me, I’m going to do the same as my knees can’t take that tile floor 🤷🏻♀️😆
(ps…. this 👆 catastrophe is why no one sends me asks 😆🤪😆🤪😆🤪)
Love the critiques of the tumblr photos! I fall short when I compare myself to the tiny models with their perfect makeup in perfect poses. Your critiques of the photos remind me Tumblr shows poor, unrealistic depictions that make my lifestyle look like a sexy game. It’s not a game to me. It’s who I am. And I would rather be imperfect & kneel comfortably on a mat, be securely bound before beatings, and posed for ACTUAL fucking than have sore knees, loose cuffs, & a fucking rope blocking access.
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